One Year

Exactly one year ago I found out that I would become a mommy. At the time I tried to imagine what my life would be like in a year, and I saw so many changes in my future like strollers, mommy and me groups, dirty diapers and toothless grins. I saw a little trio crowding a hospital bed, at the baptismal font, and pushing a stroller to the board office on a walk around the park. I saw pumpkin carving, Christmas family photos in red and green clothes, and blowing out the candles on a first birthday cake. I thought, "Next year, my life will be SO different than it is now."

I could have never imagined exactly how true this sentiment would prove to be.

I never imagined I would be getting divorced.

I never imagined how overwhelming childbirth could be or how loving hospital nurses could be.

I never imagined so many living things would depend on me alone.

I never imagined I would worry so much about finances or the fear of breaking a bone (How would I carry a diaper bag and a car seat?) or the fear of someone breaking into my home.

I never imagined the fortitude and faith of my family.

I never imagined the people who betrayed, manipulated, and lied to me.

I never imagined the friendships that reconnected.

I never imagined that I would accept blame I didn't deserve and abuse I shouldn't have received.

I never imagined the depth of relationship with Jesus I could have.

I never imagined the number of friends and family who came to my aid the moment I needed them and stayed involved in my life despite my desire to grieve alone.

I never imagined I would have a lawyer and a therapist on my speed dial.

I never imagined exactly how much I would need my parents, brother, and sister-in-law and how those relationships were tightly woven.

I never imagined the strength of the community that surrounded me and my Peanut with love and prayers.

Most of all, I never imagined the fierce, all-encompassing love I would have for my beautiful, strong baby boy.

I never imagined exactly how much better my life would be, but one year later here we are. Rising.

Photo Courtesy of Kodi Moser (Memories for a Lifetime)