Books

I love books. Always have.

When I was in elementary school and had to clean my room, I would always start with my bookshelves. I'd start by pulling every book off the shelves, dust the bookcase, and the books and then methodically replace the books keeping the series in number order and then focusing on height so that my books could be best displayed and I could find the correct reread simply by height and spine color.

Reading is still one of my passions, and having the opportunity to pass on my joy in it to my students and Peanut is an honor.

In order to expose my students to engaging and quality literature I am a proud member of Scholastic book clubs. Monthly, I send home flyers with students so that they can fill their lives with books, and so my classroom can be filled with new books for us to enjoy and learn from.

Remember getting these flyers and circling books like crazy?

Well, it used to be for my students.

Now, it seems to be for my Peanut.

My September book order total was $104.17. Fifty-eight dollars of that total were books I bought. My classroom got 15 new books from that total. Peanut got 22.

Each day since my order came in, I've been taking home one or two books each day. A few days ago I brought home these two.

I had never read either book, but was won over by the glowing reviews online and reasonable prices of the discount flyer. While reading these to Leo after a delicious dinner of pureed squash and rice cereal (him) and a PBB sandwich (me), I sobbed. Yes, both books made me cry.

The book, Count Your Blessings, is a 1-10 book where a baby bear counts the things he is grateful for. One, he is thankful for his home. Then, BAM, out of an illustrator's imagination comes a sucker punch. The little bear is thankful for his parents.

Yes, Peanut has two parents. Yes, they love him. Still, the picture above brought me to tears. I had a beautiful and blessed childhood where my parents loved each other. It was evident all of the time in our house. I realized when looking at this page, Peanut won't have these images in his mind. Will he ever have a picture with him and both of his parents? Perhaps not.

We didn't take one of the three of us at the hospital when Peanut was born. I felt like doing so might make me sick and thankfully no one mentioned it. How sad, though. On this beautiful day that Peanut was born, his mother felt ill at the thought of being near his father.

I've packed up the pictures of STBX and myself, including our wedding photos in a box for Peanut someday. I want him to know that there was a time when we loved one another and that he is a product of love.

Yet, children's books that show happy families all together make me sad. I wanted my baby to have that joy of a mommy and daddy who love one another. Most of the time I know P and I are better off without the tension of needing to tiptoe around a scary temper, but sometimes I remember the good times and wish that those good times could have been our family's everyday life.

The second book brought me to tears too, but for an entirely different reason. Mommy Hugs is a counting book about 10 different hugs mommy and baby share during the day. It felt so sweet to read to Peanut about wake-up hugs, going-down-the-slide hugs, and owie hugs.

This book looked like our family. Mama, Peanut, and Wolfie. (The cat is like a cousin who visits occasionally and demands to be fed.)

This family has love in abundance.