Sleep Training Isn't for Sissies or In Which I Get Belligerent with a Book

Mommy hearts aren't meant to let their sweet babies cry. As I sit here in the overstuffed armchair my dad reclaims on every visit to my home, all I want to do is go rescue my adorable son from his loneliness. You see, we are sleep training. He is in his Rock'n'Play. Alone. I am in the living room. Alone. The dog is pacing the hallway, clearly unsure of why I am letting his little brother cry (evidenced by the way he nudges my hand or knee every three laps.)

Peanut is sad. I am sad. We are sad. (Je vous en prie, repete, "Peanut est desole. Je suis desole. Nous sommes desole.")

(Aside: That French was probably VERY inaccurate. Since studying French I've attempted German and Russian. Truthfully, I stink at them all. Sorry Madame Hodge, Keeta, and Maike.)

I could fix our saddies SO easily. Walk into the room. Pick up Peanut. Cuddle. Problem fixed.

Yay! Mommy fixed the saddies!

For now.

Unfortunately, I want Peanut to learn to self-soothe. For a few nights I've attempted to put him to bed awake, but drowsy after our nighttime routine. Every night except last night he fell asleep before I put him down. Last night he was drowsy and whimpered for a few minutes before crashing.

Tonight he was drowsy, but has now worked himself into a frenzy equal to the crowd waiting in line for deep fried Oreos at the Ohio state fair. 

In an effort to keep my tush in this chair I am reading and rereading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. My belligerance with this author is increasing. Example:

HSHHC: This may be the first time you will ignore your child's protests.

Me: No shit, Sherlock. Baby cries. Mommy fixes. Repeat. I want him to know that he can rely on me. Always. Leo+Mommy=Rainbows, push up pops, and cherry kool-aid happiness

See how happy cherry kool-aid can make one?

HSHHC: When your child is crying and he is not hungry, say to yourself, "My baby is crying because he loves me so much he wants my company, but he needs to sleep."

Me: Precisely! I will cuddle him as he sleeps. Agreed! (Begins to get up from chair as the next sentence catches her eye.)

HSHHC: I know the value of good sleep...

Me: (Warily agreeing) Yes...

HSHHC: ... and I love my baby so much that I am going to let him sleep.

Me: Damn you, Weissy. (Internal dilemna) Now if I go get him, The Weisster will accuse me of not loving him enough to give him quality sleep. Grr. (Booty resumes imprinting on chair.)

HSHHC: At some future point you will teach other health habits such as hand washing or tooth brushing... Later still, you're not going to risk brain damage by letting him ride his bike without a helmet.

Me: You're seriously equating picking up my crying, lonely 4 month infant with potential brain damage!? If I refill his disposable water bottle at socer practice when he is four, I suppose I'd be supporting cancer too, huh.

HSHCC: Starting early and being consistent are the keys to establishing good habits.

Me: Grrrr. Every once in awhile I agree with your drivel, and there you go, hitting my beginning of the school year theory perfectly. Rats. 

Hey... Leo is silent... Thanks, Dr. Weissbluth. (Until tomorrow, you blizzard-hating sadist.)